Another video...

Here's one I've been meaning to do for a while, a little montage of quad biking from mine and Jo's trip up north a couple of months ago...

Kara-not all that-oke

An off the cuff night out had been a long time in coming. As I toiled in the gardens of West Auckland, Rob and Bonzo were busy buying some beers and 3 dead men's suits from the local charity shop.

I got home to find them in their outfits, chuckling away to Max and Paddy's. A perfect way to start a night out.

After the fridge was emptied we headed to the local for the $3 pints and karaoke.

A few songs later and we headed into town. Drunk...

For the masochistic among you, here are a selection of songs...

Shout outs

First shout out goes to Tranter for getting the film quote. Congrats. I think I put that up there several months ago. Which just goes to show how little traffic comes through here these days. Damn those social networking websites. I've now put up a slightly more high brow quote.

Secondly, welcome back Swiss/Seoul/Shanghai James who has finally found a way round Communism. Now where's my link???

Third one goes to my Dad, who's regular watching of his favourite film made sure I knew the answer to a tricky question in the quiz last night.... Which Rodgers and Hammerstein musical contains this song? (there was musical accompaniment to this question, but you'll have to make do with the song lyrics... #gonna wash that man right out of my hair...#)

Sadly I wasn't paying enough attention to one of my sister's favourites as I didn't get this one...

Which of these wasn't one of the Von Trapp children in the Sound of Music? Liesl, Louisa or Max?

Gartside's homecoming countdown........... exactly 12 weeks from today........

Catch up...

I have a spare moment to share what's been going on of late. And it won't take long.

There have been a couple of quizzes recently, we finished 5th in our second attempt at the one at our new local, then 3rd. My proudest quiz moments so far are getting Waiting For God from the theme tune, and knowing the Poirot novel where there are 13 killers.

Bingo has also been successful. Just when were getting a bit angry at the same 2 people winning every game going, I took out the last game for a $30 voucher. Nice.

As for sports, well, the 11-a-side season is over. We have an awards do next weekend where I'm not expecting to come away with anything. I only scored 3 goals and had a niggling heel injury for the second half of the season. Not much to shout/write about really.

I have made my long awaited return between the sticks with a few appearances for a mate's indoor 5-a-side team. Mixed results but I've been playing pretty well and enjoying the fun to be had playing in nets. One thing I haven't been enjoying so much is the penalty situation. I'm used to the the taker only being allowed a one-step run up, but not so in this format - they can take as much of a run up as they like. I've had to face 3 so far and the only joy I had was when I jumped and turned mid air, offering my substantial backside when the ball was struck. Not surprisingly I saved it, but the ball fell to the striker and the good work of my arse went to waste.

Sports viewing has been at an all time low. England couldn't seem to put in a half decent performance, let alone win, in just about any sporting code. But a win for the rugby, and Oldham getting off the bottom of the table has cheered me up momentarily.

So as you can see, not much exciting has been going on. Maybe this is the calm before the storm - Lunt's visit is only a few weeks away...

And people say moving is stressful...

Not for us it wasn't. First of all, we had time on our hands and an old house that was going to be renovated. The solution - clay pigeon shooting with darts and an old smoke alarm. Lots of fun to be had. Even more than chairiot racing.

As for the new area, there's now a new local... The Thirsty Whale. Quiz nights are still on Tuesdays but you get a free plate of chips, 3 pint jugs are $12 (5 quid ish) and there are a lot less teams. Only 10 in fact last week. We flirted with the top 3 but ended up 7th. Not all bad though as this was the designated random prize place. That's a nice $20 voucher to get us started tonight.

On Wednesday's it has bingo! Yep, it's something more commonly associated with the fogies but, just like lawn bowls, we're making it cool. I was a winner too! Sadly not the Warriors play off tickets with free taxi to and from the game and an hour's free drinking beforehand... I won a meat pack, which is not to be sniffed at. Especially after it went off in the fridge after 2 days. Cheapskates.

Thursday is karaoke night. We haven't given it a go yet, maybe we'll try when Lunt is here...

And finally, the local barber may be $3 more expensive than the last local place (I'm paying $15 now... about 6 quid), but this place has swinging saloon doors to get from the waiting room to the cutting zone. Sweet.

A sad start to the weekend...

Pavarotti has gone, and now the actor that played Amos in Emmerdale has kicked the bucket.

The budget was tight on that show, he and Seth had to share a beard...

Moving on up...

After exactly a year in our last place we've moved. We're a little further out of town in a fancy pants fully furnished 3 level apartment. If I remember right, fully furnished is the norm in England but it's pretty rare over here. On the plus side it's got everything we need, on the down side we aren't able to give it our own unique style.

That said, this was the style at our old place so maybe that's a good thing...

This is the sort of furnishings we now have to live with...

To celebrate our new place a night out was in order. Casey Eden was back in town so myself, Rob and Casey devised a Shortland Street drinking game for the beers and tequila we had before heading out.

The night had a twist - Rob lost a sweepstake during the cricket world cup. One of his teams, Ireland, scored the lowest team total in the tournament so as part of the punishment he had to go out in the national costume of that country.

As we all know, a Leprechaun outfit is Ireland's national dress. Here is Rob and Casey in an apt cricket pose...

Please charge your glasses, I'd like to propose a post...

Maybe it's turning 30 that's quelled my enthusiasm for updating this regularly, or maybe it's just that my life has settled into a routine, the novelty has worn off, or the new business has been hit by the bad weather so I have less money to do exciting things. Maybe it's all of the above.

But at over 3 weeks since my last contribution it's time for a catch up.

Lets start on the sporting front... A continuing losing streak has cost Greenhithe its status in the Premier League. Jo had a Sunday off so she came along to watch our make or break game against 2nd bottom. I scored only my second goal of the season (disappointing seeing as I was at about a goal a game last year) but alas Jo wasn't there to see it. Dave broke his foot (sorry, 4th metatarsal) whilst trying to Roy Keane someone and she had to drive him to hospital.

Big news - me and Rob are moving out. Sick of the damp, the mould and the carpet that is either a horrible design or has been vomited on repeatedly, we've been on the lookout for something new. Our luck was in and we've got a modern 3 level townhouse with double internal garage/mower storage/games room and toilet on the ground level, open plan kitchen, living room and balcony on floor 1 and bedrooms and bathroom on floor 2. It's a bit of a jump in rent but at least I won't have to go to the storage place every morning for my stuff and you won't be able to see your breath when sitting in the living room with the heater on for the last 2 hours (yep, that's what it's like right here, right now).

Last weekend I surprised Jo with a belated birthday gift. We went to feed the stingrays at Kelly Tarltons. First up we were given a tour of the backroom where a very big guy was chopping up fish heads and there was a rehabilitation tank containing a 3 legged turtle. I didn't really want to say anything but it looked extremely dead. Then we got our wet suits and proceeded to the main fish tank to jump in and feed the critters with our guide. I wanted to wear a Steve Urwin mask but she wouldn't let me.

Our guide does a sneaky wee - you'd think she'd know about the dye they put in to stop people doing that.

This one attacks side on for a nibble of Jo's bottom.

In closing, here are a couple of musical things I've learnt recently...

The new Arctic Monkey's album is exactly as long as the time it takes to get from our place to Rob's parents house.

Queen Greatest Hits volume 3 is really stretching the meaning of the word 'greatest'.

Mad dogs and Englishmen...

On Saturday afternoon Jo and I headed to a pet shop in Browns Bay to meet up with people and dogs from GAP - Greyhounds As Pets. They were holding a meet a greyhound day. I've long since had a thing for greyhounds, so to speak, and jumped at the chance to go and meet some in person.

Meeting them and speaking with an owner has whetted my appetite even further and I'll almost certainly get one when I'm in a position to do so. Not making any silly bets this time though.

Beforehand, Jo wasn't a fan at all, but upon meeting the dogs she changed her tune a little bit. Especially after one called Floyd snuggled up against her. After the pet shop, the dogs and their owners gathered on the beach to stretch their legs. Jebus they can't half shift. Although one got a bit overexcited when seeing a little dog being walked and was all over it. It was only being friendly and the shrieks of the woman and daughter walking the puffed up curly "dog" were a little over the top.

After this we went to the English shop. Just 1 day short of 18 months after I moved here, this was the first time I'd been. I'm glad I waited this long and made a few impulse buys of items I hadn't even seen for so long. I never thought I'd get teary-eyed over a packet of cheesy wotsits.

Ah Dandelion & Burdock. At the first taste I was transported taken back in time about 20 years to Saturday lunches. The morning was spent scoring freely for the church football team, then back home for a feast from Franks chippy, a bottle of D&B and Saint & Greavsie for entertainment. Perfection.

Weekend of booze...

For the first time in quite a while I had a boozy weekend. First up was a night out in town as Jo's sister Michelle was visiting from Sydney. It wasn't a major night but we saw a half decent covers band in the Empire Tavern, which is much more like my kind of bar than the usual ones in the viaduct.

After a short recovery period it was on to the 2nd night out - the Greenhithe FC fundraising quiz.

Prizes were bountiful (including $50 worth of Greenacres vouchers I'd managed to rustle up) and everyone was likely to walk away with a prize. Or so they said. Out of our team of 9 only one of us was a raffle prize winner - Rob's mum winning a duvet which Rob quickly bagsed.

Everyone chipped in with answers as we managed to achieve mid table mediocrity. It was a good night, and a surprisingly large number of people there, probably over 100. All of whom will have put good money in the kitty toward our end of season tour (piss up).

Most exciting part of the night for me was coming very close to winning a bottle of bourbon. The game was throwing dollar coins at said bottle with the winner being the closest one. I held the lead until right at the end when someone beat me by the Queen's nose.

A selection of pictures...

Me and Rob not doing much to dispell the ribbing we get for being gay (our team decided we were as we often arrive for the game in the same car)...

Jo steals some wigs from the neighbouring table. They work better on us...

Our team manager (having been decorated by Jo) and myself...

The team...

(L-R) Jo, her friend Gemma, Sonya, Dave, Mick, Jayne, me, Rob, Mia

Donny gets a bad press...

Old news this seeing as it was filmed about 20 years ago, but I happened across an episode of Blackadder last night. The following dialogue ensued...

Baldrick: [re: Edmund's unattractive bride-to-be] Why not make her believe you prefer the company of men?
Prince Edmund: But I do, Baldrick, I do!
Baldrick: No, I mean... the intimate company of men.
Prince Edmund: You don't mean... like the Earl of Doncaster?



Shocking. I didn't know that was a gay bar.

Birthdays galore...

Happy birthday to my 3 favourite ladies (not Destiny's Child)...


L'il sis Natalie turned 28 on July 4th, my mum turned 37 (plus change) on the 17th and Jo turned 23 on the 19th.

As with things like stag do's, which turned to stag weekends, to stag weeks, Jo is having plenty of birthweek celebrations.

First up was a party at her friends house. We arrived early to help set up, so instead of watching the All Blacks take on South Africa I was baking a cake with a bunch of girls, listening to Pink and slagging off ex boyfriends. It was a fun night though and I managed not to embarrass myself in front of her friends. I even nailed a few vodkas to prove my worth.

Then on Wednesday I tagged along on her family meal out at a restaurant called Art Ducko - a lovely meal, although I was a tad disappointed there was only one duck item on the menu.

This weekend saw the last All Black home match before the world cup. It was against the old foes, Australia at Eden Park - just up the street. All this would suggest that I'd get tickets in plenty of time. Alas, no. I left it too late and it sold out. So, to the auction sites. Just when I was beginning to despair at the amount of people who were 'unable to go, so I just want to get rid of my ticket.... for 6 times face value', I happened upon a genuine seller who sold his tickets for face value and Jo and I were in. Sweet.

What wasn't so sweet was the weather. We were on the terraces which, despite the name, are seated. They aren't covered though and we got soaked through despite the stylish ponchos Jo's mum provided us with...

The best atmosphere came during the haka...



To wrap up Jo's birthweek we went skiing at the local indoor venue. Jo hasn't skied since primary school but that didn't show as she took off down the slopes...



Good times.

Bledisloe Cup...

All Blacks vs. the Wallabies tonight just up the road. We stupidly left it too late to get tickets and are now scrabbling around on trademe (NZ's equivalent of eBay) without much luck.

I want to see the haka live.

To tide me over, this ad made the news here the other day. I like it...

Oop north...

I hadn't been much further north than Auckland since I arrived here. That is until this weekend. Jo's birthday present to me was a weekend away to Paihia in the Bay of Islands which is a few hours drive north of Auckland. Interestingly enough this is where NZ's first game of cricket was held (thank you Wikipedia).

We arrived on Saturday afternoon and after checking in to the imaginatively named Hotel Paihia we headed just up the road to Waitangi where a very important Treaty was signed in 1840. The Treaty of Waitangi is effectively the document on which modern day New Zealand was founded. The British chucked a few guns and blankets the way of the Maoris in exchange for the land. Or something dastardly like that anyway.

For the centenary celebrations a replica waka taua (war canoe) was built using traditional methods...

80 paddlers brought it to shore containing as many Maori warriors with scary war faces like this...

This is all that remains of the tree from which the canoe was fashioned...

One of the first Maori chiefs to sign the Treaty was Hone Heke. He was a bit of a monkey though and protested against the British by chopping down the flagstaff in the grounds on four occasions. The cheeky rascal. It's metal now though...

Chop that down with your little flint tomahawk.

After our cultural afternoon we went out for some food and a few drinks in town. There isn't a great deal there except a few backpackers which were too far to walk in the rain. We went to seemingly the only bar in the centre showing the All Blacks test against Australia. After a solid first half the ABs did bugger all in the second and lost to two late scores. Maybe the world cup won't be the walkover a lot of people expect.

Sunday was a day to get up early and head even further north for the surprise activity organised by Jo. We're in NZ so it had to be something adrenelin fuelled and it was...QUAD BIKING!!!

The weather was awful for the whole drive up to Ahipara which is just outside Kaitaia and the southernmost point of 90 mile beach (which is actually only 55 miles long... Global warming no doubt). But the rain stopped just as we got to the offices of Tua Tua Tours. Only Jo and I were booked on a tour so we had the guide to ourselves. We spent 2 hours hooning over flat sand beaches (reaching speeds of 75 km/hr), teetering over coastal rocks, skiding up sand dunes and sliding down the other side of them. Utterly fantastic couple of hours. I have some good video footage which I'll release soon. Here are a few pics...

Our guide Greg, followed by Jo

Taking a breather

In the background are the shacks of the many local seaweed scroungers. They extract the agar which they sell at market. They could do with buying themselves some dulux. Although seeing as they have no power or running water they probably have other things to worry about.

We make quad biking look cool

From the windy coastline to desert like conditions

This was steeper than it looks...lots of fun

Hands down the best thing I've done in New Zealand and if anyone fancies coming over here to visit we'll gladly join you on a quad bike tour.

With smiles embedded on our chops we headed back to the hotel stopping off at New Zealand's oldest building (1819 - snigger, my parents house is older than that)

And Haruru Falls...

The heavy rainful making the normally clear water a lighter shade of brown.

On Monday we caught the ferry over to Russell, the first major port of New Zealand. It's early population of ex-convicts and drunken sailors earned it the title "Hell Hole of the Pacific". Sadly Auckland took over as the main port and the country's capital and Russell became the quaint fishing village it is today...

On our way back home we stopped off at Kawakawa, a tiny little town with nothing to write home about except some unique public conveniences...

They are apparently "world famous" - here is why

Our final stop was the Kauri museum. I found this really interesting, with lots of interactive displays which kept my short attention span entertained. Here I am sat inside what looked like a portaloo, carved from a Kauri swamp log which was buried underwater for over 3000 years...

I look very pleased with myself. Although staff would probably rather I'd buried my own swamp log back in Kawakawa.

I thought I had it bad...

...when I was out working in the rain the other day.


This picture (courtesy of the BBC South Yorkshire website) is at the road at the bottom of my parents drive. Fortunately they live on a small hill so the house is ok but plenty of others aren't so lucky. Such as our neighbours whose house is just out of shot to the right at ground level.

Freebies...

I went to the annual Green Acres trade show and conference on Thursday. No free trip to far flung exciting destinations but there were free nibbles and lots of prize giveaways.

It was good to chat with a few people from head office and even better to win movie tickets, a mini tool, a new head for my trimmer and a big coil of trimmer line. Well over a 100 bucks worth of prizes which sound a bit boring but it's always good to be a winner...

Boring post but my people demand updates. Not that it matters, everyone is on facebook these days.

The big 3 oh...

As reported on Lunt's blog (with some lovely snaps) I've turned 30. It's the first birthday I haven't really been looking forward to but it turned out to be a good one.

On my actual birthday Jo and I went out for a meal, then I was drafted in to play cricket as we were short. We lost. Disappointing.

On Friday I planned a good old fashioned English all-dayer. Myself, Rob and Dave didn't start as early as we wanted (about 4) but it was a 12 hour session so I guess that qualifies. We started in Shadows, the Auckland Uni bar, drinking rather cheap jugs of Oranjeboom and from there the memory is sketchy at best. A quality night out though.

Then on Saturday morning we dragged ourselves out of bed to go karting. Despite a few late drop outs we still had 8 of us who, to a man, ignored the no contact pleas of the safety video and smashed our way round the indoor/outdoor track for a couple of bruising races. Jiah and Rob took the victories with me coming second both times. Always the bridesmaid...

No pictures unfortunately, but there are plenty of the subsequent night out. The All Blacks' second test against France was on so we went to the Kingslander to watch the slaughter. Watching this game confirmed 2 things... 1. The French national anthem is by far the best around. 2. One of my favourite things about New Zealand is the haka.

Let the pictures tell the story...

Jo and her friends, Gemma and Harriet

Rob and Mia

Will celebrates the All Blacks win

Yes, I am dressed like a girl

Miller entertains the ladies

Birthday shooters

The group

The guy at the front having the time of his life is a total random

French Open semi finals...

Lads, which one were you watching??

Or was it?...

Peace be with us...

In the first Global Peace Index New Zealand ranked second. Not bad going. Helen Clark (PM and also my local MP) claims it's due to the peace keeping work that NZ is involved in around the world. I'm more inclined to think that it's because nothing much ever really happens here.

Second place though? That's not good enough. I'm off to Norway.

Goal bird...

That pun only really works for those who spail jail the other way.

Startling news from Oldham today as the Latics have an agreement to sign former West Brom striker Lee Hughes if he is paroled in August.

For those who don't know his story, here is a link.

I'm a bit conflicted on this one. Speaking as a fan, it looks like a good signing. If fit he should score bags of goals at that level.

However, he's killed 2 people and paralised another. But then again, he's served his time as set out by the criminal justice system that's in place in the UK. Hmmm.

As you can see, I'm conflicted. Ultimately, I think the system is wrong - it doesn't punish people enough for that crime. But that's not Lee Hughes' fault.

He probably won't sign anyway, whoever Warnock manages next will get him. The striker hogging git.