Wisdom from my two favourite races...

1. By Sydney Harbour, an American woman starts shouting at the table next to her, demanding a review of their gnocchi. Or as she pronounced it... GERR NAARSHEE

2. An American again, whilst walking by the banks of the river Avon in Christchurch... "Hey dear, doesn't it remind you of Venice?" Click here for a picture of the Avon, you can make your own minds up.

3. Australian love is... when an elderly woman falls flat on her face climbing stairs her husband shouts, as passers by help her out, "See I told you not to go rushing..."

Josephine does Auckland...

I was back home for the first time in nearly 4 weeks and it felt good just to be in a land where they hate Australians as much as I do.

So what did we do in Auckland? Well, on the first night we went out for a meal with Jo. Fortunately everyone got on very well and it was a very pleasant evening and mum got to see Mission Bay, one of the nicer areas of Auckland.

On the Sunday we did a bit of driving about, going over to the north shore to surprise Jo at work and take a stroll on Brown's Bay beach...

We also went for a walk on the beach at Takapuna and a little trip up Mt Eden. In the evening we were invited over to the Kidds for a BBQ. Not surprisingly, the young uns left the olds to it and went off to play Fizog. An unprecented amout of feathers and Bin Ladens but I don't think there was a Fizog.

Mum, Jayne and Kate

On the Monday we went to have a look at a few more things, like where I used to live and the domain, home to Auckland Museum. Which wasn't very exciting really. In the evening Jo met us and we went for a meal at Euro, Shane's restaurant. Delicious. And we were treated to a few extras by the big man himself. Top bloke.

For more pictures follow this LINK.

And so on to the big tour of NZ...

Ma Gartside arrives in Sydney...

Not far off a year after a tearful farewell in Manchester airport, I saw my Mum again (family tears, not mine obviously. I'm a bloke). She arrived looking fresh as a daisy after a gruelling trip. She obviously fared a lot better than i did.

To say she'd had such a long trip we managed to do quite a lot on the first day, and ended with a nice seafood meal on Darling Harbour.

On day 2 we did some Christmas shopping - clothes for my present. This turned out to be very successful. I ended up with 2 pairs of jeans, a shirt, 2 t-shirts and new shorts. All for next to no money at all. Get in. God bless the strength of the pound.

In the evening we did an opera-related dinner cruise round the harbour. This was great.

A 3 course meal with stunning views of all the sights accompanied by a crooner and 2 female warblers. Lots of fun. The women made their way around the blokes in the room, sitting on laps etc. They avoided me though. No change there then. Here's mum with Pavaraussie...

We did lots of walking, through the botanical gardens, round the opera house, the harbour bridge, the rocks, the city centre and had some wonderful meals. I can recommend Nick's in Darling Harbour. Great seafood, atmosphere and service.

I love Sydney, enjoyed it more than I thought I would. More pics are available on this LINK.

But it was time to head back to Auckland and to show mum my home town...

Brisbane and beyond

It was good to get to Brisbane after a mammoth journey from Sydney, and waiting for me there was Rich Bibby, one of the Manchester clan now stationed on this side of the world. We had a few beers and a catch up but the main event was the next night.

After a day of having a nose round the city centre I met up with Rich for a beer or 2, then later on we hit the local areas hard, ending up in some student place rather worse for wear...

The next day was spent nursing a horrendous hang over in a very humid house. I hadn't noticed the air con machine unfortunately.

Dunc arrived on the Thursday and Milo, the house dog, took an immediate shine to him...

We had a bbq and a few beers that night although it wasn't the liveliest - me and Rich were still feeling pretty rough and Dunc had had about 4 hours sleep in the last 4 days.

The Friday night was a good one. We met up with some of Rich's work buddies and saw a few different bars. Now pay attention because I'm about to tell you the most spooky story ever...

In one of the bars the music was fairly funky and they played Get on the Good Foot by James Brown. This prompted me to tell Dunc about the tunes me and Rob have on when we're driving to footy, then ask him to guess the last one we have on. Pretty random question. His 2 guesses - The Final Countdown and Eye of the Tiger. Both wrong.

I then get a call from Rob who was out in Auckland. I'd sent him a text to tell him of the James Brown tune and he then tells me that he's been in a bar having to listen to the Final Countdown followed by Eye of the Tiger.

WEIRD.

And so to the Saturday and our little road trip to Surfers Paradise. This was great fun, although Surfers is essentially a tacky holiday resort (we stayed at The British Arms) it does have great weather and miles of sparsely populated beaches. So we had a great time larking around in the sunshine during the day time...

And then a tour of a few of the bars around town...

Brisbane was a good laugh and it was great to catch up with Rich and Dunc again. Thanks to Rich and his flatmates for letting me stay for so long and for being such good hosts. For more pictures, follow this LINK

On the Monday I headed back to Sydney and the extended hospitality of Chris and Jill. My mum was landing in Sydney on the Wednesday morning so we got chance to hang out for a bit longer. More thanks due to Chris and Jill for letting me stay and giving me a great base from which to explore Sydney.

Lack of updates...

Well my laptop has died a death the likes of which hasn't been seen since the time Bernard Manning and Alf Garnett co-hosted the MOBO awards.

I'll have to send it away when I get back to New Zealand so it could be some time before I can put up the pictures from the rest of my trip.

Just to let you know what you're missing out on here is my itinerary...

Jan 8th - Byron Bay (on my own)
Jan 9th - Brisbane (to visit Rich and Dunc)
Jan 13th - Surfers Paradise (road trip with Rich and Dunc)
Jan 15th - Sydney
Jan 17th - Ma Gartside arrives
Jan 20th - Auckland
Jan 24th - Queenstown with my mum
Feb 3rd - Back in Auckland
Feb 5th - Mum departs
Feb 7th - Coromandel with Jo

I doubt I'll have my laptop back before all that so not sure when I'll be updating next.

T'ra for now...

Overnighter...

I'm in Byron Bay. The weather is awful and I'm struggling to find somewhere to stay.

I set off yesterday from Sydney at 4pm and arrived via train and bus at 5.40am this morning. Lovely. I actually managed to get a bit of kip on the 12 hour train journey which is unlike me, that's despite the annoying fat kid 2 rows back who didn't stop talking and the screeching kids at the other end of the carriage.

Fair do's to the guy sat in front of me who looked at least 120 years old. He did the journey no bother. Didn't crap himself or die not even once.

Looks like I'm off to Brisbane later on today, a bit of a manc land reunion awaits...

Daddy, daddy Cook...Daddy, daddy Cook...

Congratulations to Cathy and Mike...

On the arrival of their new baby boy, Daniel...

Yet another one of us who's all grown up now,

almost.

Jan 4th...

We set off early in the car for the 3 and a half hour drive to the Blue Mountains, so called due to the blue haze that rises off them (evaporating Eucalyptus oil I believe). Stunning scenery and the camera was working overtime. You could probably google better pictures than I took so I won't bore you with them.

Me with the 3 sisters over my shoulder

The worlds steepest incline railway which we came down on.

It's pretty steep.

Jan 3rd...

The Cessnock Hotel, and the town itself, isn't exactly blessed with class. But it was simple and did the job. For instance, my single room had 2 bunk beds in it and a window that wouldn't shut. The tap water had an 'interesting' taste to it too shall we say.

We had breakfast at a local cafe then hired our own personal taxi. Bruce (seriously) turned up and charged us a very reasonable hourly rate to take us round the vineyards. He was a very friendly chap, insisted we call him Fletch, and gave us the grand tour with all the local knowledge thrown in. He was also fairly easy on the micky taking when it came to the cricket score.

We tasted wine at several vineyards, I even bought half a dozen bottles, and ate a cheese and bread lunch at the Smelly Cheese Shop. Quality day out.

By the end we were all pretty tired and drunk but we made it out for some food in a local Irish pub before retiring to our hotel bar for a couple more beers and a game of darts. The locals were out in force and banjo music was playing in all of our heads. Early night then.

Gooseberry, Chris, Jill, Ros and Andy

Fletch lives!

Jan 2nd...

Kayaking on the sea was booked in for midday. The weather didn't look great at all (again) so Chris called the company to check that all was ok. He was as good as called a poofter for doubting it. Turns out it got too windy so they stopped anyone else going out after us. Nice.

In keeping with my trip to Sydney so far I was in a single boat while the others occupied doubles (out come the violins). My boat was much faster, but I did have to do all the paddling by myself. It was pretty tiring stuff going out in the choppy waters but after about an hour we arrived at a nearby beach and docked there to eat a fish and chip lunch. Not exactly the perfect mid-exercise feed but it had to be done and after a short break we headed back.

Great fun, totally shattering and a bit of a shame I didn't have someone to share the workload. But I loved it and it was probably a good thing that no one was around to hear my language after the wake from a supercharged speedboat almost capsized me.

That evening we hopped in a hire car and drove 2 hours to Cessnock in Hunter Valley, home to some of Australia's most famous wines. We passed some kangaroos but I was driving and thought it best not to take my eyes off the road given the hairpin bends and steep ravines off one side.

New Years Day...

An unusual New Years Day - on the beach.

The 5 of us got a bus over to Balmoral Bay armed with beach towels, a footie, a frisbie and terrible hangovers.

The weather wasn't great at first but we persisted, which turned out to be a great decision. The sun blazed down and we worked on our tans followed by a volleyball game of sorts in the sea (shark-net encircled bit obviously). Chris lost one game resulting in the first round that night being his, he then lost one resulting in tea making duties the next morning, Andy lost another meaning he was on toast duty and then I lost the final game between me and Chris. This resulted in him being crowned ultimate champion of the world and me walking away with nothing. Easy come, easy go.

Later on we showed off our frisbee skills. Or lack thereof. The losers in this instance was the little boy who got a face full of sand after it landed next to his head, nearly the little boy who's extravagant sandcastle development was almost levelled by a rogue throw and definitely the fat guy who got hit on not once, twice, but three occasions. He really should have moved.

Like the idiot I am I forgot my camera, so you'll have to take my word for it.

New Years Eve...

New Years Eve. This was no Aqua. This was no Castlefield in the rain. This was Sydney Harbour Bridge and the firework extravaganza.

There are certain areas near the bridge which have great views of the harbour so we went there early. Andy was reserving our spot from about 11am as we got the rest of the food and drink needed. The area slowly filled until by the end we were totally hemmed in on all sides and any trip out of our zone involved stepping on many cakes, beers, feet and napping grannies. It was a fantastic experience though and I'll post video footage of the fireworks in due course.

We all had glow stick bangles. The flash makes this photo a bit redundant though...

Andy, Ros, Chris, Jill, Jess, Emma and Dan

Me and Chris looking a bit drunk with a blurry arty background

For more pictures click here

Dec 30th...

I left Si at the hotel waiting for Leanne to join him for their New Year Melbourne holiday and I set off to the airport for my flight to Sydney. I was flying Virgin Blue Pacific and was slightly concerned when my flight wasn't on the board. All was well though and we set off on time. I always thought the whole fit air stewardess thing was just a myth given some of the flights I'd been on, but Virgin Blue set a new standard. (Jo, my male mates need to know this stuff. I wasn't perving honest...)

Chris 'Little Fighter' Larkin was there to meet me and we took the train back to his place via a bus trip over the Harbour Bridge. Very scenic...

I met Chris' lovely lady Jill and we had a few jars whilst waiting for their other friends, Ros and Andy to arrive.

Dec 29th...

Today was day 4 of the test so it was back to the MCG. Oh, hang on a sec, no, we didn't go back to the MCG. England had lost within 3 days, the useless gits, so we had to find something else to do. And that something was a game of bowls. After using all my Kalamazoo experience to stretch out a 21-0 lead after 10 ends, Si closed the gap and after 20 ends the score was 26-17.

I count up a 4 point end for myself

Accurate bowling from Si turns the tables

Dec 28th...

The first of our 2 days at the cricket. Interesting start - we had a pair of tickets for this day and two pairs for the next. Or so we thought. Turns out we had 2 pairs for today. We eventually flogged the spare pair at lunch for about a third of face value, but better than nothing.

What can I say about the cricket? Not much really. Totally embarrassing and by the end we were praying for the final wicket to fall so we wouldn't have to come back in the morning.

Saying that the seats were great. We were only 3 rows from the top of the highest stand and the distance from the pitch didn't matter too much as we'd bought some binoculars which we certainly didn't use to scan the crowd for...interesting sights. I met up with Rich too for a quick drink. The MCG is an amazing stadium. It's walkable from town, in a really nice area, wonderful views, great accoustics, great facilities and the organisation is spot on.

In the evening we went over to St Kilda again and ate a fat bastard each. It was ridiculously big and I'm pretty embarrassed I managed to finish it.

The spectacular view from our seats

Si does cheesy pose in front of the whole crowd. Not sure why he didn't get bottled.

On the 2nd day of Christmas...

Today we wandered around Melbourne and St Kilda and watched the cricket in a bar. We were met by Jase, a mate of Si's, and had a few beers at his place whilst watching the cricketing shambles.

A quiet day.

Boxing day...

I met up with Si at the airport and caught an uneventful flight over to Melbourne.

We arrived early evening and decided the best plan of action would be to get really drunk. We went round a few places which were all pretty quiet so didn't buy that many drinks. The huge amount of spirits we had before we left the hotel did the trick though and memory is pretty sparse.

Going off the toilet in the morning one of us must have thrown up. No idea who though.

Christmas is all about the Kidds...

Rob and I headed over to the Kidd household in Clevedon on Christmas Eve. We had a bit of time for some Fizog before trotting off to the local pub where me, Rob, Dave and a bit later on Mick (their Dad) had a few beers whilst putting the sporting world to rights.

Later on we had a delicious venison meal, then more Fizog until the sun set then inside for Max and Paddy's. To which I still managed to laugh despite being half asleep.

And so to my first Christmas morning away from home. I was made to feel very welcome by the Kidds who even gave me my own personal sack bulging with presents which were opened after bacon butties and bucks fizz.

The weather wasn't fantastic but it was still warm and clear enough to eat Christmas dinner in the garden and follow it with a water balloon fight.

From top left: Rob, me, Paddy (teacher mate of Rob's), Jayne, Kate, Sonia and Dave

A satisfied look of a man with a belly full of Christmas dinner.

More Fizog and beer and we ended the day watching Se7en. I was rather dozy but stayed awake long enough to have a chat with the family back home.

When I left home I was always curious about where I'd end up for the next Christmas and I don't think it could have worked out better. So thanks to Mick, Jayne, Rob, Dave and Kate for making it such a great day.

Phone buggered

Just in case you thought I was being ignorant, or dead, my phone has been on the blink since about 10pm on New Years Eve.

So Happy New Year to anyone reading...

Updates soon, providing I survive tomorrow's kayaking...